Hotseat 2 Answers... and a little something extra

Better late than never, right? I would've had this done a lot sooner, but I promised someone special I would wait for her questions - she had schoolwork, and schoolwork comes first in my world - and I got caught up working on a special surprise for you all while I waited.

But, you've all waited long enough. Without further ado, you asked, Alice answered...

From K:

Given the way Edward felt about you when you were first dating, and the way he took everything, why did you go back to him? (After a little clarification, we’ve discovered this means to ask why she would go back to him a second time, just to use him.)

I never used him. At least, not intentionally. Sure, the first thing that attracted me to him was his money, but I was a shallow little girl back then. All I cared about was keeping up appearances. Actually, it was Edward who taught me there’s more to life than that. That’s part of why I went back to him. I felt so much better when I was with him, like I was whole. He treated me so much better than anyone else ever had. He made me feel like I deserved the love he gave me, even though I really didn’t. I went back because, believe it or not, I felt terrible about what I’d done to him. I told him once that the look on his face when he found me with Emmett haunted my dreams. It sounds melodramatic, but it’s entirely true. He’d cross my mind at the strangest times and it was always that face I saw – the face that hated me and hated himself for letting me in. I detested that face. I still do. I went back to try and make things right. And I did, at first. I was so good, such a good girlfriend the second time around. I loved Edward as much as I could, and I did my best not to care about his money. Then he proposed and everything got a little foggy in my world. At first, I was happy, thrilled even. I loved the idea of spending forever with him. But when I thought about it a little more, it scared me. Being tied down to one person for the rest of my life… I thought about how I’d betrayed him in high school and I just didn’t think I could handle it. I should’ve just talked to him about it, explained my fears and my feelings – I know that now – but at the time, I couldn’t. I tried to talk to Mike about it, thinking he would know Edward better than anyone, and things went completely haywire. I guess it was a downward spiral from there. I’m rambling and not answering your question, but my point is I didn’t go back to him to use him – I went back to him because I thought I truly loved him and knew I loved the way he made me feel.

Is there anything about the relationship with Edward you would change? Either time you two were together.

I want to say I would change the fact that I cheated on him, but so much would be different now if I hadn’t. I guess, if I could change anything, it would be how badly he was hurt by it all. Even if I can’t bring myself to completely regret the things I did to hurt him, I’m bright enough and decent enough to know he never deserved that. Edward’s a good man – a great man, actually – and I never treated him the way he deserved to be treated. I never deserved him, and he never deserved the pain I caused him. If I could change something, it would be how much I hurt him, even if it meant changing how much he cared about me.

From Ariel:

Do you think of the repercussions of your actions or just make irrational decisions?

Alice: To be honest, my first instinct is to be offended by that question… but when I think about it, it’s a good one, and “irrational” is a good word for it. I think about the repercussions. I really do. The problem is that I only think about them after I act so damn irrationally. I never think ahead; I just live in regret afterward.

Kim: That’s oddly poetic.

Alice: Thank you.

Kim: It’s also a good life lesson.

Alice: Believe me, I know.

Kim: *resists the urge to quote RENT*

Was Edward just a game to you or did you truly love him?

Alice: I want to say Edward was never a game, but I guess, if I’m being honest with both myself and with you, he was. I don’t know when he became a game, but somewhere along our messed up timeline, he did, and I hate that. Like I told K, I thought I loved him. Maybe I really did. Sometimes it’s hard to define the line between sincere affection mixed with sheer lust and actual love. And sometimes it’s hard to know when you’re toeing the line and when you’re crossing it.

Kim: You’re not talking about the line between lust and love anymore, are you?

Alice: No, I’m not. *gets lost in thought*

Kim: Alice?

Alice: Sorry. As I was saying, if you’d asked me while I was with him if I truly loved Edward, the answer would have been an instant and emphatic ‘yes.’

Kim: And now?

Alice: Less instant and less emphatic, but I think it would still be ‘yes.’

Kim: What was with the games then? I mean… Emmett? Mike? Carlisle? You even sucked Bella into it, if you think about it.

Alice: I know! And it was horrible of me. I know that. But I can explain all of them, I promise.

Kim: Have at it then.

Alice: Emmett was fun, and I was a stupid teenager. Being with him when I knew it was wrong was exciting, thrilling even. Sort of that forbidden fruit thing. The rush of being with the bad boy, even when he’s a good boy.

Kim: What the fuck does that mean?

Alice: You know how there’s a certain element of danger and excitement to being with the so-called “bad boy”?

Kim: Yeah.

Alice: It’s even more of a rush when you’re the bad one.

Kim: *resists attempt to make tacky “adrenaline junkie” joke* I see…

Alice: No, you don’t. And that’s fine. The point is Emmett was a mistake. Mike was a mistake. Lord knows Carlisle was a mistake. And mixing Bella in with all my mistakes might’ve been the biggest mistake of all.

Kim: How is Bella the biggest mistake?

Alice: She’s the only one I miss.

Kim: You don’t miss Edward?

Alice: Edward was never a mistake.

Kim: Fair enough.

Alice: Can we move on?

Kim: *looks at next question and chuckles* Sure, but we won’t be moving very far.

His father? Really? At the wedding party? What was going through your mind? Did you plan it?

Alice: Of course I didn’t plan it! God, no, I would never do that on purpose. It just kind of… happened. It was stupid, so stupid, but c’mon… have you seen Carlisle? There’s a reason Edward’s so attractive. And there’s a reason Edward’s so alluring and persuasive – he gets it all from his father. And it wasn’t exactly my doing…

Kim: Wait, wait, wait… Are you blaming Carlisle for what happened?

Alice: No, I guess not. Not entirely. “It takes two to tango,” right?

Kim: *nods*

Alice: But I do kind of feel like it’s more his fault than mine… I mean, you know what happened. And it’s not like I go around seducing everyone Edward knows. That would just be cruel.

Kim: *scoffs*

Alice: I’m not saying what I did wasn’t cruel. I’m just saying I didn’t set out to do any of it. It all just kind of happened. Remember that lecture your mother gave you as a kid about how things can get out of control before you can blink and you have to be really careful with guys?

Kim: Yeah…

Alice: We all got it. And our mothers were right.

Kim: I hate those words.

Alice: So do I, but they were. If you’re not careful, if you don’t stay entirely in control of yourself, things can go haywire and the next thing you know you’re lying next to your fiancé’s roommate, panting and covered in sweat and wondering what the fuck you just got yourself into.

Kim: Uhm… we were talking about Carlisle, not Mike…

Alice: Sorry. But the same rule applies... sort of.

Kim: So, long story short, you’re kind of short on self-control?

Alice: Bingo.

Kim: You should probably work on that.

Alice: Trust me, I am.

Kim: You do realize I may be the only person around here who does trust you, right?

Alice: *sigh* Yeah. I do. But I made my bed…

Kim: *nods knowingly* And you’re lying in it.

Why doesn’t Jasper know your real name? Is he a game to you as well?

A/N (Yes, I’m putting an A/N on a hotseat question): a) I was waiting for this question, and b) I have experienced happy Alice, sad Alice, malicious Alice, horny Alice, jealous Alice, devastated Alice, and a hundred other emotions, but I have never seen/heard/felt/whatever her be as upset and hurt as this question made her. I don’t know whether to be proud or say you should be ashamed of yourself. Lol (I kid. It had to be asked. If no one else had, I would’ve thrown it at her at the end.)

No! Jasper’s not a game! He’s… everything. I’ve never cared more for someone than I do for Jasper. He’s my world, and I’m pretty sure I’m his. At least, I hope I am. As for why he doesn’t know my real name… It’s so stupid. I can see that in retrospect, but it just came out at the time. It wasn’t like I intended to give him a false name. Then again, it’s not entirely false. When I was a kid, I hated being called Alice, so my family called me by my middle name. Most of them still do. And from the moment I met him, Jasper reminded me of how I felt as a kid – so happy and carefree… so honest. Once I’d put it out there, once I’d given him a different name, I couldn’t let him know me as Alice. It would ruin everything. He didn’t deserve Alice. More to the point, Alice didn’t deserve him. He’s far too good for Alice. But for Liz… Well, maybe she could be deserving of him. I really hope that makes sense. It did to me, once.

What is so appealing about cheating on Edward with the people that he trusts and breaking his heart?

Alice: First, can I just say, ouch.

Kim: You can say anything you like – it’s your hotseat, after all.

Alice: *devious grin* That’s true…

Kim: Okay, correction. You can say almost anything you like. If you try to tell off my friends and readers, this ends here and now.

Alice: But they said mean things about me! Isn’t it only fair I should get to respond?

Kim: Yes, but now is not the time. Just answer the damn question.

Alice: Fine. It’s like I said when we were talking about Emmett – it’s a rush. I imagine it would be a rush with just about anyone, but there’s something extra to it being someone he knows. It’s more dangerous, more forbidden.

Kim: More wrong?

Alice: Exactly!

Kim: Uhm… *sigh* Never mind.

Alice: I’ll ignore that. Anyway… Like I said earlier, it’s not like I planned it all, or any of it, really. It. Just. Happened.

Kim: We. Get. It.

Alice: And they call me the bitch.

Kim: Never said I wasn’t.

Alice: Anyway! It’s just the damn rush. The thrill of having the forbidden. Kind of like sex in public.

Kim: Overshare!

Alice: Okay, fine. It’s like when Edward and I used to fuck in the janitor’s closet in high school. There’s a rush to knowing you could be caught at any second. It’s like every one of your senses is heightened and your whole body tingles with adrenaline. It’s… fucking hot.

Kim: So you’re saying the adrenaline rush is what’s so appealing to cheating on Edward with people he trusts?

Alice: As horrible as it sounds, yes. That is exactly what I’m saying.

Kim: It does sound pretty horrible.

Alice: Anything I say about that time in my life will.

Kim: Fair enough. But what about the “breaking his heart” portion of this question?

Alice: There’s nothing appealing to breaking his heart. Not a single thing. It’s the most appalling thing I’ve ever done, in my opinion.

Kim: Really? You don’t think---

Alice: I know what you’re about to say, and yes, that was appalling. Horrifically so. But you set the no spoilers rule, so stick to it.

Kim: Good call. Thank you.

Alice: You’re welcome.

Why are you called MSGlice, what does it mean and what do you think of the name? If it’s mean, do you think you deserve to be called it?

Alice: Do you want to field this one, since your friend came up with it?

Kim: Spite doesn’t become you, you know, but sure, I’ll field it. MSGlice is actually a nickname Anna accidentally came up with for her when I first posted the story. I believe it stands for “Manipulative Slutty Golddigger Alice.” *stifles chuckle*

Alice: That said… *glares at Kim* I detest the name and no, I don’t think I deserve to be called it.

Kim: And exactly why don’t you? I tend to think it’s pretty accurate.

Alice: I have never manipulated anyone in my life, I am not a slut, and I am definitely not a gold digger, thank you.

Kim: *counts off things on her fingers* Let’s see, Alice. You manipulated Edward into taking you back after the fuckery with Emmett, you slept with half the people he knew, and you only paid attention to him in the first place because he had a wing of the school with his last name on it. Still think you don’t deserve the name?

Alice: Just because I was impressed by the whole school wing thing does not mean I’m a gold digger. It’s impressive, dammit.

Kim: What about the other stuff?

Alice: I’m not even dignifying that crap with an answer. I shouldn’t have to keep defending myself when it comes to my… indiscretions.

Kim: I think the readers beg to differ.

Alice: Well the readers can sh---

Kim: NEXT QUESTION!

Why are you so awesome in an evil, mean, manipulative bitch kind of (sort of?) way?

Alice: What is with the manipulation thing?!

Kim: *gigglesnort* Told you they disagree. On the bright side, she called you awesome.

Alice: *tilts head slightly* She did, didn’t she? Huh. Thank you, Ariel. *smiles sweetly* Now would you mind taking back the “evil, mean, manipulative bitch” part of that?

Kim: *laughs outright* That was more than half her question.

Alice: And it was more than half insulting.

Kim: *chuckles* You’re not used to that by now?

Alice: Moving on…

Kim: Not so fast! You didn’t answer the question.

Alice: How the hell am I supposed to answer it? I don’t know why I’m awesome. Most of the people you know seem to think I’m horrible. You answer it, if you’re so hell-bent on it being answered.

Kim: Fine, I will. Personally, I think she’s so awesome because she’s not your typical Alice. She’s not an overly perky nutjob whose only pleasure in life is a good shopping spree or an assumably raunchy frolic in the woods with Jasper.

Alice: Actually, I do like raunchy frolics with Jasper.

Kim: *face-palm* We all like raunchy frolics with Jasper. The point is you’re not – she isn’t, whatever – the stereotypical and sadly two-dimensional Alice people so frequently write. She’s interesting, and, to a degree, she’s relatable. She’s, for lack of a better word, human. And I don’t mean human as opposed to vampire. I mean human as opposed to the fantastical, perfect Alices around the fandom. She has feelings, she emotes, she makes mistakes. That’s something anyone can relate to.

Alice: Wow. Well said.

Kim: Thank you.

Alice: You made me sound almost good. You’ll write my version of the story, right? Make up for the lies Edward’s spreading?

Kim: First of all, Edward is not spreading lies. Second, we’ll talk about that later.

Alice: That’s a maybe, right? I just want them to get to see me and not just the manipulative slut he paints me as.

Kim: *giggles* You forgot “gold digger.” If you’re going to use Anna’s nickname for you, you might as well be thorough.

Alice: Shut up.

Kim: Not going to happen.

Do you think you’re a bitch or do you know that you’re one?

Alice: What the fuck did I ever do to this Ariel person?

Kim: *laughs* She’s just passionate about your story. Let her be.

Alice: *sighs* Fine. I know I’m a bitch. I don’t intend to be, and I don’t want to be, but I know the story
and, trust me, I know I’m a bitch.

Kim: Well said.

Alice: Bite me.

Kim: Do you still taste like vanilla? *chomp chomp*

Alice: Freak.

Kim: Freak spawn. *giggles* You’re Renesmee.

Alice: Take that back!

Kim: *still giggling* Next question…

What did you do with the ring?

A/N: This question – a good one, mind you – came in toward the end, when most of the questions had already been answered, so it’s covered in later answer and I’m not going to make Alice rehash another sordid tale, especially since I like how the other answer came out. Lol

What do you think Jasper would say if he found out you were the whore (his words, not mine) who broke the heart of the guy in the coffee shop/diner/wherever they were?

Kim: It was a diner.

Alice: It doesn’t matter where it was.

Kim: I was just clarifying.

Alice: I would like to think he would give me the chance to explain myself, to tell him my side of the story… but I know Jasper, and that would never happen. One of the things I like most about him is that he puts his all into everything; when he feels something, he puts his whole heart into it. He’s a passionate man, and that passion can be both good and bad. If he were to find out that the girl Edward told him about is me… *shakes head* It would break him. I don’t think he’d even say anything. He would probably just throw me out and never speak to me again, and I would have it coming. Even if he were to say something in that situation, I’m sure I wouldn’t want to hear it.

Were you cheating on Edward with Emmett before the prom?

Alice: *looks at the ground* Yes. But not for very long.

Kim: I would argue that, but I’m sure we’ll talk about it later. *winks* ß Thinly veiled attempt at saying this question came in later too and is discussed below. Oh, and if you remember Edward’s comment about Emmett knowing how to make Alice giggle, that was a hopefully subtle hint that it’d been going on a bit longer than just that one night. I’m sneaky like that.

From Anna (who may actually be Alice’s biggest fan):

Why are you such a bitch? Seriously, is there some underlying factor we readers don’t know about that made you that way?

Alice: Jesus! I thought you said she was my biggest fan! She just called me a bitch to my face! What is with these people?!

Kim: Uhm… I said she might be your biggest fan. She just likes your story. I’m not canon-you, you know; I couldn’t know ahead of time she was going to call you a bitch!

Alice: Why should I even answer that?

Kim: Because Anna loves you?

Alice: *scoffs*

Kim: Because she asked you a question and the polite thing to do would be to answer it?

Alice: O.O Polite?! Did you see that?!

Kim: Okay… uhm… Because this is a good chance to defend yourself?

Alice: *sigh* You have a point.

Kim: I usually do.

Alice: Fine. I would say I’m not actually a bitch, but I know that will probably get laughed right out of existence and I already told Ariel I know I’m a bitch.

Kim: Well, yeah, and yeah, you did.

Alice: I guess… if you wanted to take a sort of psychological perspective on my alleged “bitchiness,” it’s… I don’t know.

Kim: A defense mechanism?

Alice: Yes! Exactly. The way Edward tells things really paints me in a horrific light, like I think I’m some sort of goddess or something. I don’t. I really don’t. I just want someone to treat me like I am. Isn’t that what every girl wants?

Kim: Yes. Especially those of us with, shall we say, limited self-esteem.

Alice: What’re you saying?

Kim: I’m saying you’re a bitch because you want someone to think more of you than you think of yourself, and being a bitch keeps the people who don’t at a distance. That’s your underlying issue, admit it.

Alice: I… I think plenty of myself, thank you.

Kim: That’s what we all say.

Somewhat related to [the first question], why did you cheat on Edward? Just, why? He was really great and first you fuck his best friend and then his dad? Yeah, why?? There’s gotta be something wrong with you or something.

Alice: There is nothing wrong with me, thank you very much! And I—

Kim: Alice… breathe. Calm down, think, then answer.

Alice: *breathes* Okay, fine. First and foremost, I never slept with Carlisle. Never. All I did was kiss him. That was stupid enough. But you’re right… Edward is really great and there must be something wrong with me to treat him like I did. I know that. Believe me, I know that. And I can explain myself until I’m blue in the face and it’s not going to change a damn thing. *sighs and shakes her head* Do I really have to go over this again?

Kim: She did ask…

Alice: But I already explained it to both K and Ariel. You seem to think Anna’s a smart girl; she can read those answers.

Kim: Fair enough. Sorry, Anna. I’m not going to make her spill that story again… *whispers* even if it is mainly the selfish need to avoid the migraine that comes with an upset Alice.

Alice: I heard that.

Kim: Of course you did.

Do you really love Jasper or is this just another game?

Alice: Did she team up with Ariel or something?

Kim: Uhm, if she’d teamed up with Ariel, she’d know she already asked this question, don’t you think?

Alice: True. Uhm, I actually want to answer this one again. Can I? Please?

Kim: By all means.

Alice: Jasper is not, never has been, and never will be a game to me. Never. If he ever even comes close to being a game, I’ll leave. Voluntarily. I refuse to subject him to the traitorous bullshit I put Edward through. He doesn’t deserve it. Not that Edward did, but Jasper… *sighs* Jasper is everything. He’s sweet and charming and intelligent and treats me like a princess. He took me in when I had nowhere to go. He’s… so much better than I deserve, and you have to believe me when I say I will never treat him like a game. It would kill me to do so. *shakes her head* I don’t even want to think about it.

Kim: Next question?

Alice: Next question.

Do you feel guilt for what you did to Edward?

God, yes. Every single day. You’d think it would dull with time, right? Maybe fade as I got closer to Jasper? But it doesn’t. It just stays there, like something stuck in my chest, like a little flame in my heart, trying to remind me of my past mistakes.

How could you still continue to wear the ring?

>>>FAIR WARNING: THIS ANSWER BREAKS THE NO-SPOILERS RULE. DON’T READ THIS IF YOU WANT THE SEQUEL TO BE A SURPRISE.<<<

Kim: Oh damn. That’s a good one. I did not see that one coming.

Alice: *stares off into space and unconsciously strokes the spot where the ring used to sit*

Kim: Hey, wait a minute! Where’d it go? That thing’s worth a fortune!

Alice: I don’t wear it anymore. I can’t. It’s not right.

Kim: Well, yeah. It wasn’t really right to keep wearing it in the first place.

Alice: I didn’t leave it on my left hand…

Kim: I know. But still… You knew what it was supposed to symbolize…

Alice: Oh, come on! Did you see the thing? It’s gorgeous!

Kim: That it is, but you can’t honestly be trying to tell us that you kept wearing it just because it’s a nice ring.

Alice: *standoffish* Why can’t I? I love that ring.

Kim: Then why aren’t you wearing it now?

Alice: Because it should’ve been left behind with Edward! It should never have been a part of my life with Jasper! It ruined everything! *cries*

Kim: Alice… That ring… it’s an inanimate object. It can’t do anything…

Alice: I know!

Kim: Then why---

Alice: Fine! I ruined everything! Is that what you wanted to hear? I ruined it all!

Kim: Honey, calm down… We’re just talking about the ring. A piece of jewelry. It’s nothing. *hands Alice a tissue*

Alice: *wipes her eyes* Please… Can we just… not talk about this anymore?

Kim: In a second. *holds her hand* I promise, as soon as you answer Anna’s question, we’ll move on to the next one, okay?

Alice: Fine.

Kim: So… why did you keep wearing the ring?

Alice: *sniffles* Because I couldn’t let go of Edward. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I tried taking it off, but it felt wrong, like my hand was too light. I got attached to it… to him.

Kim: Where is it now?

Alice: I sold it.

Kim: You pawned Edward’s engagement ring?!

Alice: I didn’t know what else to do with it! I couldn’t even look at the thing anymore and it wasn’t like I could just give it back to him, so I sold it. I sold it, okay?! I sold it and I don’t ever want to see it again. Now can we just move on?! Please?!

Kim: Okay! Next question.

What’s next for a manipulative slut like you? I mean, are you going to change? Realize all you do is cause people pain?

>>>Minor spoiler contained within. Just thought I should let you know.<<<

Kim: Okay, wait. Before she even touches that one, I have a question for Anna – Where the fuck is all this anger when someone IRL deserves it?! *sticks tongue out at her* Kidding. You know I love you, Annabelle.

Alice: My turn?

Kim: Yes. Unless you’re going to kill her. ‘Cause I see that look in your eye and I’m not exactly fond of it. Sure, she’s being kind of snippy - *resists the urge to giggle at the accidental Jackson reference* - but she’s still my friend. No killing my friends.

Alice: Fine. A) I am not a manipulative slut.

Kim: *raises eyebrows*

Alice: I may have been manipulative at one time, and maybe I wasn’t the smartest when it came to physicality, but I am not a manipulative slut.

Kim: You mean “not anymore,” right?

Alice: Fine! If you want to call the younger, dumber version of me that, fine. Go ahead. But I am not that person anymore. And I have changed. A lot. I’ve matured and I’ve realized how badly one stupid mistake can screw something up. I’ve fallen in love and I’ve gotten my heart broken. Don’t try to tell me those things don’t change you. I’m not the girl Edward talks about anymore. I’m not. I hate that girl.

Kim: I’m pretty sure Edward does too.

Alice: And Anna.

Kim: And Anna.

Where did you get your shiny red lip gloss that Edward likes so much?

Kim: Really, Annabelle? *face-palm*

Alice: Oh, you like it?

Kim: Did you really just perk back up at the mention of makeup? What the hell happened to the no-longer-shallow Alice?

Alice: Liking makeup is not being shallow. Now shut up and let me talk makeovers with my girl Anna.

Kim: Your girl? You were screaming at her just a few minutes ago!

Alice: *sing-song* Not listening… *to Anna* It’s actually not just a lip gloss. *shakes head* Guys don’t speak makeup, you know that. It’s lip gloss over lipstick – it makes the color bolder and the shine more pronounced. In high school, I was a big fan of L’Oreal. I used Colour Riche Lipcolour in “British Red” and covered it with a thin layer of Colour Juice Sheer Juicy Lip Gloss in “Raspberry Smash.”

Kim: *snores*

Alice: Shut up. We’re having fun. Anyway! That’s the combination Edward allegedly fell for, but you have to change your makeup as you get older, y’know? You can’t go to a prestigious university wearing the same trash you did in high school.

Kim: Excuse you! I still wore the same clothes and makeup in college as I did in high school!

Alice: You’re poor. And you went to a crappy state school.

Kim: Fuck you, I am! I am upper-middle class, thank you. Don’t even get me started on your social class. And the college I went to is just fine!

Alice: Yes, sweetie, you’re important. Now let me get back to the makeup.

Kim: *mumbles to herself* Now I get why Anna called you a bitch.

Alice: *sing-song* Ignoring that… *to Anna* See, one time during high school, my lipstick got… uhm… smudged…

Kim: And by “smudged” you mean “left all over Edward after ten minutes in the janitor’s closet.”

Alice: *scoffs* Ten minutes? Never ten minutes, sweetie. I missed classes because of that boy.

Kim: Ohhh-kay then…

Alice: Anyway! I stole some of Rosalie’s lip gloss and lunch and kind of fell in love with it. It was this golden color with glitter in it and it plumped your lips up ever so slightly and tasted exactly like vanilla ice cream.

Kim: Wait a minute! I have that lip gloss!

Alice: Dessert Treats by Jessica Simpson? The Vanilla Ice Cream flavor??

Kim: Yes! I stockpiled that and the edible cupcake perfume when her brand folded. I love that stuff!

Alice: Excuse me, Anna. I have to go pilfer Kim’s makeup bag. *sneaks off*

Kim: Get your ass back here! We’re not done! Anna still has two more questions!

Alice: *sing-songy, rifling through Kim’s makeup* I can’t hear you…

Kim: Get out of my makeup!

Alice: *hums loudly*

Kim: “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”? Are you shitting me? Get out of my makeup, get your ass back here, and stop picking on my other Alices! *runs off, grabs her and drags her back to her seat* Now you sit your skinny ass down and answer the rest of the questions and maybe I’ll let you have some of it.

Alice: If I answer the rest of her questions, you’ll give me a tube?

Kim: I only have the one left! I’ll give you some of the perfume.

Alice: The edible kind?

Kim: Yes.

Alice: Deal.

Was Bella ever really your friend?

Alice: Of course she was! She was my best friend. The best friend I ever had. I can’t remember ever being treated so sweetly by another girl. I mean, the girls in high school were always nice to me, but they were that horrible, phony high school nice where you know they’re talking about you behind your back, but you try to pretend you don’t know and it doesn’t bother you. Bella was never like that. She was honest and upfront and just genuinely a fantastic person.

Kim: Then why’d you drag her into your problems?

Alice: I didn’t mean to. I tried my best to keep her out of all of it, but I can only juggle so many issues at once without losing track of something. She caught on – it was really hard not to with how things were going. I still wish I’d had a chance to explain myself to her before she went running to Edward with it.

Kim: She didn’t run to Edward with it. She just told him. You know she’s a horrible liar.

Alice: I probably should’ve taken that into consideration when hiding things around her. That and her insipid crush on him.

Kim: You do know “insipid” means “tasteless,” right?

Alice: Oh, come on! I’ve had three people insult my character and now you’re insulting my intelligence?

Kim: I’m just pointing out that you essentially said Edward’s not even worth crushing on and yet you almost married him.

Alice: Okay, fine. Her insulting crush on Edward. I mean, c’mon – who falls for their best friend’s fiancé?!

Kim: It could happen to anyone. At least she was good enough to leave him alone, right? She never made a pass at him. She never even hinted that she liked him while you were together. She was very respectful about that, don’t you think?

Alice: Yeah, yeah.

Kim: Don’t be bitter just because you miss her. You could at least try to patch things up if you really wanted.

Alice: Been there, done that. *sad* She wants nothing to do with me, trust me. *chuckles humorlessly* Have you heard her ringback tone for me? It’s just freaking harsh. And a pretty good indicator of what she thinks of me.

Kim: Touche.

>>>If you’re wondering what the hell her ringback tone (ie – the song Alice hears whenever she calls Bella) is, it’s included in the sequel, so no worries, you’ll find out. ;)<<<

How was Emmett? :P You know what I mean *wink wink* *nudge nudge* Are you still in contact with him? Now that I’ve probably pissed you off to no end, care to give me his number? ;)

Kim: Really, Anna?? *shakes head* Only you. And don’t even try blaming that on the wine. That’s aaalllll you.

Alice: *giggles* Do you have any idea how badly I wanted a close girlfriend to talk to about Emmett in high school? Where were you years ago?

Kim: You didn’t exist years ago.

Alice: *sing-song* Ignoring that…

Kim: Stop doing that! Ugh.

Alice: *nostalgic sigh* Oh, Emmett… He was always such a sweetheart. God, it killed him to know what he was doing would hurt Edward if he ever found out. Every single time something happened between us, it always started with “We can’t do this, Alice. It’s wrong.” And every single time, I agreed… And every single time, we ended up a tangled mess of limbs, vowing in between moans to never do that again. I swear, that boy had even weaker self-control than I did.

Kim: Can we maybe stop having seriously raunchy flashbacks and answer Anna’s question? I’m a Jasper girl – it’s not right for me to have tingly-like thoughts about Emmett, even if they’re technically yours.

Alice: Okay, okay. Emmett was… *smiles deviously, nodding slowly to herself*

Kim: Jesus Christ, Alice! I said no more raunchy Emmett! You’re perverting my mind! Just tell her he was great and get on with it.

Alice: I can’t tell her he was great – you made me promise to be honest. *looks at Anna with a smirk* He was… fucking incredible. He’s the only person I’ve been with who gives Jasper a run for his money. *mentally compares the two*

Kim: Okay, now those thoughts I can work with. Keep ‘em comin’! *giggles* I didn’t mean like that.

Alice: Anyway, no I’m not still in contact with Emmett.

Kim: What the fuck?! You can have all sorts of brown-chicken-brown-cow thoughts about freaking Emmett, but the second you think about Jasper in bed, I get shut out? Not fair! Gimme Jasper smut. You owe me for subjecting me to all the Emmett smut.

Alice: *rolls her eyes* No, Anna, I’m not in contact with Emmett. I haven’t spoken to him since high school. He kind of cut me out entirely after Edward found us at prom. Rosalie said he blamed me almost as much as he blamed himself for Edward not talking to him anymore. Then again, she also called me a two-timing whore and said she blamed me entirely for their breakup...

Kim: *snickers* I believe that was “worthless, two-timing whore,” actually. And you forgot the part where she slapped the piss out of you. That girl keeps her pimp hand strong.

Alice: *rubs cheek, remembering* Yeah, she does. Anyway, I would be more than happy to give you Emmett’s phone number – he’s a great guy and Kim seems to think you’re a nice girl, even if you did call me a bitch and a manipulative slut –

Kim: Oh, would you let it go? It’s not like she was wrong.

Alice: BUT, as I was saying *glares at Kim*, I don’t have it anymore. Maybe you could ask Edward. I know they weren’t talking when we broke up, but who knows what’s happened since? And maybe he still has Rosalie’s number. I’m sure she’d know.

Kim: That was remarkably helpful. Did she appease you with the makeup chat or something?

Alice: That and the opportunity to… er… reminisce…

Kim: Okay, we’re done! No more dirty Emmett thoughts! Go share those with Anna on your own time!

Alice: *giggles* Not so fast. I saw that. Anna just threw you another question.

Kim: Yeah, but it’s not about Emmett, so I’m good.

How long were you cheating on Edward for in relation to the length of your relationship?

Kim: *snort* With who?

Alice: *smacks Kim in the arm*

Kim: OW!

Alice: Rosalie isn’t the only one who can keep her pimp hand strong.

Kim: *rubs arm* Answer the question, you violent little… *grumbles*…

Alice: That’s a really hard question to answer, actually. It’s not like it was an ongoing thing.

Kim: *raises eyebrows*

Alice: Okay, fine, it wasn’t a continuous thing.

Kim: There you go.

Alice: I was good for a good, long time. I really was. I mean, with Emmett it was only a few months. It
started during winter break, ended at prom. That’s what, four months? Edward accused me time and time again before I even laid more-than-friendly eyes on Emmett, but he was completely wrong. Come-pleet-lee. There was no one before Emmett. And for a loooong time, there was no one after Emmett. No one but Edward. Then, like I told K earlier, things got a little messed up after he proposed – my emotions got a little wonky, I wasn’t thinking straight, and somehow I ended up in that same awkward position – not like that! – from high school. But even Mike was only a few months. And Carlisle… That was hardly even a one-time thing. It should barely even count in the grand scheme of things.

Kim: *raises eyebrow* It ended your relationship with Edward.

Alice: Yeah, but it was one stupid, momentary lapse in judgment, and it wasn’t even my fault. It wasn’t an ongoing thing. It shouldn’t really be held against me in this context, should it?

Kim: Uh, yeah, it should. Even if it was just a “momentary lapse in judgment,” it was a pretty big deal and a pretty big strike against you.

Alice: But he’s barely a blip on the radar of my fuck-ups!

Kim: Uhm, no. He’s that big, flashing neon light right there. *points at imaginary radar* The one that’ll blind you if you look right at it. See it there?

Alice: Shut up.

Kim: Stop defending yourself and give Anna an estimate, would you?

Alice: *scoffs* What am I supposed to do, give her a percentage?

Kim: *nods* And I already did the math for you. *holds out calculator*

Alice: Nineteen percent of the time??? No way! That is way too high!

Kim: Nope. You were with Edward for roughly four years altogether – that’s 48 months. You were fooling
around with Emmett behind his back for maybe four months, and Mike for maybe five. That’s nine months divided by 48 months, which is 18.75%. But! We need to factor in Giant Fuck-up 2kwheneverthefuckitwas, so we round up to 19%.

Alice: Carlisle does not count as an entire quarter-percent!

Kim: Oh really? I think Edward would disagree with that. Shall I ask him? He’s much easier for me to get in touch with than for you to…

Alice: No! Fine. It’s 19%. I was a worthless, two-faced whore 19% of the time I was with Edward.

Kim: Using Rosalie’s words against yourself… never thought I’d see the day.

Alice: It wasn’t like she was wrong.

Kim: Fair point.

From Logan:

Who’s better in bed: Carlisle or Emmett? LMFAO

Alice: For the millionth damn time, I did not sleep with Carlisle! *face-palm*

Kim: Sorry. That’s probably my fault. Everyone else you encounter in the story, you sleep with. *snickers*

Alice: That is not true!

Kim: True. You never slept with Bella. *laughs outright… looks at Alice* Oh, please, for the love of Jasper, tell me you did not…

Alice: *cracks up* No. But it was fun making you think I did for a second.

Kim: Bitch.

Alice: You would’ve done the same thing to me.

Kim: You bet your perfect ass I would’ve.

From Fer (Yay! Mah bb came to play!):

Do you consider yourself redeemable? Why or why not?

No, I don’t. Not in the least. The things I did to Edward were… reprehensible at best. I said earlier that breaking his heart is one of the most appalling things I’ve ever done. I truly believe that, and I don’t think I deserve redemption for it. I wouldn’t blame him if he never forgave me for it. A part of me almost hopes he doesn’t, though most of me hopes he does, even if only for his own sake. That kind of anger and pain can eat at you until you feel like you might cease to exist, believe me. There are other things I’ve done, too, that are just as horrible, if not actually worse, and I don’t think I deserve redemption for those either. *thinks of one case in particular and speaks softly* I just really hope I’m wrong about that.

From Olivia, who is suddenly very curious and loquacious:

When was the first time you cheated on Edward?

Oh good, a straightforward question. Why can’t it be straightforward and kind? *sighs* A couple days after Christmas, senior year.

Who were you thinking of when you got dressed for prom?

*giggles* Myself. You should’ve seen the looks that dress got. It was a bitch to get into and out of, but it was so worth it.

Did you honestly not expect Edward to come back from the toilet? I mean, I know it was a side hall, but still, what the hell were you thinking?

Believe me, I ask myself that all the time. What I was thinking was that I would have a quick conversation with Emmett – not that anything would happen – and that we’d be back in the ballroom before anyone even noticed we were gone. I never expected things to go the way they did.

What were you thinking when Edward found you two? (Kim, you could just as well write an APOV!!)

Kim: We’ll talk about that later, Olivia. ;) (I keep wanting to shorten your name to Liv like on Law and Order. Lol)

Alice: To be honest, I was thinking I’d just ruined everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything. My relationship with Edward, my friendship or whatever the hell I had with Emmett, my reputation – everything. Wasn’t too far from the truth either.

Please tell me what you were thinking during this:

Just as she’d surely planned, my mind wandered to happier times. And by happier, I mean more naked. I saw her grinning at me as she bent to put those talented, glossy lips to incredibly good use. I saw her satisfied smile as she licked the last traces of both me and her lipstick from her lips. I saw her pushing me onto my bed and declaring she wasn’t even close to finished with me. I bit into my lip just thinking about it.

“Good times, weren’t they?” she whispered in my ear. Her breath fanned hotly across my skin and every fiber of my being screamed to just throw her on the lab table and relive the so-called ‘good times.’

Kim: *giggles* I love when people quote my shit in reviews. Oh, wait, this isn’t a review. My b.

Alice: *giggles along with Kim* What I was thinking while he was having that flashback, or what I was thinking during the events in that flashback?

Kim: *laughs* I think she meant the former. The latter should be pretty obvious.

Alice: I would hope so. *chuckles* It sounds horrible, but I was thinking I had him. I was thinking he would give in to the baser instincts I knew how to inspire in him and things would go back to being how I wanted them.

Kim: Didn’t quite work out that way, did it?

Alice: No. Damn him and his steel willpower.

Kim: Steel willpower, my tubby ass. We all know the rest of the story.

Why Edward? In high school, I understand, but after that?

Alice: Didn’t we cover this in one of K’s questions?

Kim: Yep.

Alice: Can we just assume Olivia read those answers?

Kim: Yep. Moving on!

Did you ever feel sorry for what you’d done? Or was it always just a challenge to see if you can still save your relationship?

Alice: Jesus, what’s with the question déjà vu?

Kim: Uhm, they don’t know they’re asking the same questions other people asked. There’s bound to be overlap. Just give her the short answer.

Alice: *rolls her eyes* It was never a challenge. Sure, sometimes it was challenging, and sometimes the fact that it was challenging made it a little more interesting and maybe a little fun, but it was never just a challenge. I was legitimately trying to fix my relationship with Edward. And yes, I felt sorry for what I did. I still do. Short enough?

Kim: Perfect.

Did you mean anything from the things you told Edward in his dorm room?

Alice: I meant every single word. Well, almost every single word. There was one teensy tiny little white lie mixed in, but it was essentially harmless and turned out fine in the end. Besides, it was partially the truth, so it was only really a lie of omission.

Kim: Stop trying to justify your lie and just admit you lied.

Alice: Fine. I lied when I said I wasn’t looking for a second chance. But it was an obvious lie, wasn’t it?

Kim: I think so. Edward might disagree.

Alice: He disagrees a lot, and it was obvious in hindsight, so it’s a moot point.

What do you honestly think of Edward?

I think the world of Edward. He’s an amazing guy and he deserves someone who will treat him the way he deserves to be treated instead of the way I treated him. He’s too good for me. That’s not to say Jasper isn’t, not by any stretch of the imagination – things are just different with Jasper is all. I’m sure you understand. At least, I hope you do.

Were you even trying to change, or was it just a game all the time?

What is with you people and this “game” word??? It was never a game, and yes, I did try to change. I tried very hard. I like to think I even succeeded in the end.

How long had you been fucking Mike? Did he come up with that excuse on his own? I gotta admit it was a good one, if he came up with it right then.

Kim: *laughs hysterically at Olivia’s frankness*

Alice: *face-palm* Why does everyone want to know how long I fucked people???

Kim: *shrugs* Inquiring minds…

Alice: A couple, few months, maybe. Not as long as people seem to think, but longer than I’d like to admit. And yes, he came up with that excuse on his own. But it wasn’t entirely untrue, so don’t give him too much credit. He’s more wily than he is clever.

Kim: *laughs* Ain’t that the truth.

This is probably the most obvious question, but why? Why did you do all this?

Alice: Do you want the short answer or the long answer?

Kim: Let’s start with short. We can always dive into the long one later.

Alice: I was stupid. Very, very, very stupid.

Kim: Well, that is short.

Alice: Long one now or later?

Kim: Let’s get to it later. Leave Olivia et al hanging a little bit. *winks*

Alice: Sounds good to me.

Please tell me, how do you see yourself? What is your opinion of yourself?

Alice: What’s lower than low?

Kim: What cooler than bein’ cool? ICE COLD! *laughs like a hyena*

Alice: Now is not the time for Outkast references.

Kim: Anytime is the time for Outkast references.

Alice: Quite frankly, Olivia, I’m not exactly my biggest fan. Kim mentioned earlier that Rosalie once called me “worthless.” That’s the one insult someone has thrown at me that I’ve never even tried to refute. I’ve always agreed with it, for as long as I can remember, even before any of the story you know happened.

Kim: *sad* So that’s the bit of me you got…

Alice: All your characters get one… That’s mine.

Kim: I’m sorry. Really.

Alice: It’s fine. We’ve gotten by, haven’t we?

Kim: Yes. Yes, we have.

Alice: And you’re not worthless.

Kim: Neither are you.

I’m sure everyone has asked this: What did you think when you first saw Edward talking to Jasper?

Kim: Actually… *scans through questions* No one asked that. Good on ya, Olivia!

Alice: What didn’t I think when I saw them talking? I thought my world was about to end all over again. I thought I was going to be homeless. I thought I was going to have absolutely no one and nothing. Let’s just say it was pretty fucking terrifying.

Kim: I feel your pain.

Alice: *scoffs* Yeah, secondhand.

Kim: That’s still feeling!

Alice: Shut up.

Kim: Tell me to shut up one more time and I’m deleting the special surprise. You know you want it just as badly as they do.

Alice: I love you.

Kim: You say that to everyone.

Alice: O.O

Kim: Special surprise!!!!

Alice: Ugh.

Okay, well, that's it for the questions (I say as though there were only a couple). Before we get on to the aforementioned special surprise, let me just say, I am so fucking proud of you ladies!!!*hugs you all* You came out of the damn woodwork for this one and I loved it! Just reinforcing my notion that I have the best friends and readers in the whole damn fandom.



So... want a treat for being the best of the best? Okay, I'll give it to you.



How many of you asked for or hinted at an APOV version of The Coldest Story Ever Told? Let's have a show of hands. *counts* Hmm... Less than I thought. How many of you want an APOV version? Okay, that's more like it.



Now... which one of you wants to beta the APOV version? It's already written and waiting for volunteers. That's right - that's what I slaved away at for over ten hours today. I actually think it's pretty good too. And Alice finally got to tell her side of the story. So, who wants in? It's 16,139 words, just to warn you. Beta offers for this one are first come, first serve, unless Annabelle pipes up and says she wants in. I wrote it with her in mind, so she has to come first. Sorry, ladies. You still love me, right?



Oh! Before I forget... next hotseat... Yeah, fuck this poll thing. I'm pretty sure I know who's gonna win the next one, so I'm gonna choose for you and put a giant grin on my lover's face.



Next hotseat victim: Jasper from Go Ask Alice.



Ask him anything you like, ladies. I know some of you - *looks at Robin* - have some rather raunchy questions. *giggles* Just make sure you ask him by next Monday, 5 April 2010. Holy crap, it's already almost April? Whoa. Yay! That means my 100 Monkeys concert is only a week and a half away!!



Anywho... yeah... questions, comments, bitchery - you know where to send it. ;)